I've always held that when I work I should love it. I should wake up in the morning and be excited to do it. Reality isn't always like that. I suppose we all have our dues to pay. We can't think we'll magically get handed the best job handcrafted just for me. That's naive and too idealistic, even for me.
So I feel the spaces where it hits me- I don't love my job. I do it because right now I'm in limbo, but I feel like I've sold my soul simply to get a pay check. I feel my heart yearn at work when it's quiet. It lets me think of everything I'd rather be and I wonder to myself if I've settled.
Settled for something I never wanted. I ask if this will get me where I want to go and I don't know the answer. I don't think a person can love their job all their time. I think sometimes it is a daily grind. But I know for sure I don't want it to be a cycle of terrible jobs I do simply to get the money. Life has to be more than that.
It's odd for me to be here. To have graduated from University, to be going back to school in the Autumn, but to still feel like I'm so far from where I want to be. As if the person I think I am is so far from the person I am.
I like to think I'm one with far flung dreams where the horizon is only a minute away. One who truly believes anything is possible and that life is something of an adventure and it is a beautiful thing simply because I live and breathe.
However, sometimes I think I've missed the point or my ideas have become veiled. Stifled. Perhaps I have settled. Even if it is just for today.
It gives me heartache.
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